Hi Reader

Phil and I are very different people. We often joke that if we'd met on a dating site, there's not a chance in a million years any algorithm would have put us together!

One of our differences is the way our brains work. I tend to focus on one thing at a time. If I'm concentrating, I don't want the television on, music playing or somebody trying to have a completely unrelated conversation with me. Phil, on the other hand, seems perfectly capable of watching television, playing a game on his phone, thinking about something entirely different and still hearing every word I'm saying to him. (Which can be just a little infuriating when I say, 'You're not listening to me,' and he then repeats what I've been saying word for word!)

Last night I looked across the kitchen and there he was, headphones in, a programme on the television and a game on his phone.

And for just a split second, a thought went through my mind:

Surely there's something more worthwhile you could be doing than playing a game on your phone?

Fortunately, I didn't actually say it quite like that! But I noticed the thought, and we ended up having a really interesting conversation about it.

Because I realised that if Phil had been sitting in exactly the same place reading a book, I wouldn't have thought he was wasting his time at all. I'd probably have thought, How lovely. He's sitting reading.

So why, in my mind, was reading a book a worthwhile way to spend half an hour, but playing a game wasn't?

Who decided that?

It made me realise how many little judgements we make without even knowing we're making them. Somewhere along the way, I'd apparently created a hierarchy of activities in my head. Reading a book: worthwhile. Playing a game: not so much.

Yet both could be educational. Both could be entertaining. Both could simply be ways of switching off for a while. And, most importantly, neither actually needs my approval!

The more I thought about it, the more I realised this wasn't really about books or games at all.

We look at so much of life through the lens of our own experiences, preferences and beliefs. What seems sensible to me might seem completely unnecessary to you. What I consider an indulgence might be something you consider essential. Something I wouldn't dream of spending money, time or energy on might bring enormous joy to somebody else.

And sometimes we're so used to looking through our own particular lens that we forget we're wearing it.

That fleeting thought about Phil reminded me how quickly we can move from "That's not what I would choose" to "That's not a good choice."

There's quite a difference between the two.

Perhaps we don't always need to understand why somebody enjoys something, chooses something or does things differently from us. Sometimes it's enough to recognise that we're different people, looking at life through different lenses.

And perhaps, occasionally, it's worth getting curious about our own snap judgements too. Not to beat ourselves up for having them, but simply to wonder where they came from.

So my gentle thought this week is simply this:

Discover your direction ❤️

Kimberley & Phil
​The Compass by Casabo​
​Helping you find direction, connection and your next step